Positives

Dear Blog,
     I'm not going to apologize for not writing in a while because frankly, I don't think you care. SO, I need to post this to remind myself of the positives of this summer because right about now I'm feeling rather down. Camera taken away from me until exam is over and working at a job I don't get paid for... and many many more things weighing me down. So I need to cheer myself up a little bit.

-Positives-

1) I am going to school in the fall (if GED goes well) to do what I love and be trained by the best in the business! Also I am already making friends with my co-workers who are all super nice.

2) Even though I am working really hard and giving up my summer, I get to watch my friend rise up above all the others who tore her down. Nancy rocks my socks and she deserves all kindness she gets!

3) I have a wonderful POOL! This heat everyones complaining about I am enjoying with my awesome pool.

4) I have such wonderful friends who never stop making me laugh. Both at youth group and at rehearsals. I love seeing your faces every day/week.

5) I've had the pleasure of watching my friend Leah's dreams come true. (seeing Taylor Swift in concert) As jealous as I am, lol I know she deserves it more then anyone else.

6) I have discovered how much I love small towns like Petrolia. Everyone is just so kind. They all greet you with a smile. They never turn you away if you have posters/flyers for them to hang up or display. Then when your little sister loses her purse at the Tim Horton they still have it when you come back after 2 hrs.

7) My friend Kyle is such a gentlemen that he always opens my doors, along with every other girl in the cast. And today he agreed to be my first male model ever. He will be making his appearence in the "Vintage" shoot. SO EXCITED!

8) My mom got me 2 cds. The new Owl City and Seventh Day Slumber. Now I have new godly tunes for my car to listen to. Such a blessing!

9) Our garage/bake sale and car wash last weekend was a smash hit! Make tons of money and it was such a success. I also got to hang out with my Taylor Swift buddy John! We listened to Tswift while waiting for people to come by the bake sale table.

10) My friend Sara is finally recovered from her surgery and is back to her normal self! I have missed her so much. Now her, her sister, Holly, and I are planning ourselves a trip to the movies to see "winnie the pooh" and all dress as our fav characters. Ya, you won't meet many people this awesome in your lifetime.

11) Health, for me and my loves ones

12) God gave me a fantastic family! He also was kind enough to give me an awesome sister that makes me laugh at even the worst of times. Even though she's still so young, she's mature beyond her years. Holly is my bestie of all time and I wuv her. I am so grateful that she's in my life to keep me sane, to listen to me rant, to make me laugh when I'm about to cry, and to just be someone who's always there for me. I can't thank God enough for my little sister.


My whole world is filled with so many blessings. Some days I just get so overwhelmed with all the negatives in life that I forget about the positives. Then I start acting like a retarded depressed teenager and nobody (especially me) wants that. I really needed to write some down to remind myself of how good I have it. And considering its 1 in the morning that old saying really comes to mind....

"When you can't sleep at night, count your blessings"

Try it... it works! ;)

Bible or Fiction

When I was around 14 years old, I was introduced to a book called Twilight. This book along with it's saga buddies has now moved on to major motion pictures and you would have to live in a cave in Siberia to not know what it is. Back then however I thought I had discovered a diamond in the rough. These books had me hooked like no other I had ever read. Whenever I was reading, it would take a whole lot to tear me away. If someone did manage to steal my attention for the time being I would be so excited to get back into my comfy chair in my room to read some more. Within a year I had proceeded to read Twilight 6 times. That's right. 6 times. By now of course I know basically all there is to know about Twilight. I kicked butt on any trivia quizzes on this book. Nobody would surprise me with a fact that they knew. When in a sea of people I heard the words; "twilight", "Edward and Bella", or "vampires that sparkle?" I would instantly perk up and try to join the conversation. We would then proceed to argue over who was better for Bella. Mr. Edward Perfection Cullen, or Jacob Biceps Black. And I would show off all my "knows". I was a total stereotypical Twihard Twilighter. (I don't really like twilight anymore... movies ruined it for me :P)

This all got me thinking. What would it be like to read the Bible the way I used to read Twilight. To look forward to any spare moment I had just to get back to my room and read it. To rock Bible trivia. To know the Bible so well that nothing someone told me would surprise me. To have read the Bible countless times but still experience it in a new exciting way every time. When I am in a group of people and hear the words; "Jesus", "God", or "The Bible", that I would instantly need to get into that group and just talk about God's Word. I hope that someday I can be that intimate with God. That I could be a die hard fan of Jesus Christ.

...Some Days...

Some Days;

-I wish I had wings, so I could fly like a bird... one of the reasons I love the Maximum Ride book series.

-I can't get that person out of my head

-It's humid and I don't like it.

-It's hard to be friends with someone.

-I get uncontrollable chocolate cravings.

-I am a creep

-Money doesn't want to stick around.

-I'm confused about life

-The term "be careful what you wish for" has never applied so well.

-People annoy me

-I am so grateful that I have a pool

-I love my dog so much

-Songs get stuck in my head and I can't get them out no matter how hard I try

-God feels so real to me.

-All I want to do is curl up in a blanket and read all day long.

-I throw my phone across the room... I have many reasons for this.

-I wonder if my prince charming will ever find me?

-I like to lie out in the sun and do absolutely NOTHING!

-I just wanna skip ahead to days that I am looking forward to.

-I spend way to much time on social networks.

-Music has my unexplainable emotions completely figured out

-All I want to do is cry

But no matter what some days have in store for me, I know that God is in control

"I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds my future" -Jim Elliot

When You're In Love

Oh God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and make me thirsty for more. I am painfully consious of my need for further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. Oh God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, so that I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, "Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away." Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long.

-"Crazy Love" pg. 99

You my brothers were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to undulge in sinful nature; rather, surve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single comand: "Love your neighbor as yourself."

-Galatians 5:13-14

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in the year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.

-Jeremiah 17:7-8

Discoveries

Some discoveries I made today...

1) I find it hilarious when boys cat call my sister and I when we walk down the street. Also it breaks my heart that my sister is 13 and it's already started.

2) Movies about true stories can be appreciated SO much more then fantasy

3) That it bugs me when people assume I'm a girly girl that can't get her hands dirty. Meanwhile I've been working for my Dad in the oil fields painting, scraping, and cleaning tanks and cutting grass since I was 10.

4) That my sister is a messy painter. I was painting in black, her in blue. By the end of the day I had more blue on me then black... sad story...

5) Sunscreen would have been a good idea,... burn baby burn

6) Never drive home during bus hours, or it'll take you 15 mins to make it down your street to your house.

7) My friends make the cutest couples!!! Congrats Kristen and Matt!!! <3

8) I love pictures. Especially the ones my friends have taken. I waste WAY too much time creeping on other peoples pictures.

9) I am going to miss my friends so much this summer.

10) That I loooooove vacations so much. Pinery from friday to monday this weekend and maybe Cuba in the next month. Ahhhhh! beaches!

11) This song never gets old....

Your My Beloved

Ever since I was a little girl I would dream about growing up::
1) Find my prince charming
2) Getting married
3) Live happily ever after.
The sad part about growing up is that the beautiful images you drew in your mind about love, romance, and men are a fantasy. In my first relationship I had hoped it would fit all my expectations and dreams, instead it was a scaring experience that I prayed to forget everyday. Ever since then I had a new perspective on love::
1) All couples under the age of 18 would not last and they would end up heartbroken.
2) Men are not princes in shining armour protecting us from evil. They are manipulative human beings who care about nothing but their own selfish desires.
3) If you like a guy, never let him know. His head will swell up and then he'll use your feelings against you.
A bit of a change from my childhood fantasies. It took me a long time before I started thinking well of guys  again. My good friends from church, youth, and theatre are to thank for that. Eventually I started trusting again and even started liking someone. I had my guard up for so long. Watching him to see who he truly was. After a while I was convinced that he was God centered, kind, and honest. I decided to take a chance. The following month was a ride of hot/cold, yes/no, in/out, up/down. (Katy Perry explains it very well) I was frusterated. So many emotions were bottled up inside me. I didn't know what to think.
Then one night as I was driving home from a party where I had seen him I was listening to my music. The song "Beloved" by Tenth Avenue North started to play. As soon as I heard the lyrics I started to cry. All my emotions letting go. I knew that God was telling me something that he had been trying to tell me from the very beginning.
God had given me the desire to be loved as a child. He had given me those dreams. He was the one who wanted to fulfill them. He wanted to be my prince charming. He wanted to protect me from evil. He wanted to be my one true love. God wanted to be my everything.
I can't explain how I felt in that moment. It was like a burden had been lifted. My heart's desire to be loved was satisfied beyond anything I could have imagined. I love God more then anything I could ever imagine or dream up. He is the reason I live...

Your chasing lovers that won't satisfy
Won't you let me make you my bride
You will drink of my lips and you'll taste new life
Your My Beloved

Pictures Of My Favorite Girl

-Because you were my very first model-

 -Because you are beautiful-

-Because your a star-

-Because your heart is so pure-

-Because you are fearless-

-Because your a firework-

-Because you are never like a plastic bag-

-Because I think your pretty without any makeup on-

-Because you aren't afraid to be who you are-

-I posted this because I love you-

My Heart Song

I have known this song for a long time, but for the first time today I really listened to the words in the lyrics. All I could think of was....

"This is me!"

Picture of the Day

Today I had a final photoshoot with my sister before she leaves for Africa for four months. I don't know if she will ever read this blog but still I feel like I need to recognize her for her bravery. I would never be able to leave my home for four months to another hemisphere without any friends or family waiting to take me in.
She is a beautiful person, inside and out. We have more memories together then anyone else in the world. We haven't always been as close as we are now. Growing up we were mortal enemies, and couldn't be in the same room for more then five minutes without fighting. But as we grew up we found out that we finally had something in common... we liked BOYS! haha
This girl is so important to me. She inspires me to always do better, she sets goals very high for herself and have every intention of meeting them, and she isn't afraid of the world. I look up to her so much. I will miss her like crazy this summer and will be praying for her daily that she will be safe and that she will be finding God in a way that she has never experienced before.
I love love LOVE this girl!

Nerves + Adrenaline

There's something about the lights, the eye's of 400 people watching your every move, and the sounds of performing on a stage. Before you enter into the light, you are standing where the curtain shields you, your heart starts to skip a beat. Then two. You know that once you are in the light your world is no longer your own. Your body is no longer your own. You are in a new world, a new life. Your thoughts are now someone else's. It is your job to become someone your not when the light hits your face. Staring at your feet you go over who you are and what your about to become in your mind. You can hear the cheers of 800 hands. It is time to step out from behind the curtain. You meet the eyes of your companion, taking this adventure with you. A smile forms on her lips, encouraging you that she's ready. Inside you have a new confidence so you stand straight and wait for your moment to emerge. The crowd is silently waiting upon your arrival. The time has come. You take a deep breath and step into the light. They are waiting for you.

Sun on my face. Wind through my hair.

THANKYOU SUN for finally making an appearence! How you have been missed. I'm looking ahead on my life and getting excited! This summer will consist of PHOTOSHOOTS!, camping, working, studying, taking 12 hr exams on my birthday, starting school for hair, starting my apprenticeship with the most incredible hairdresser I know of!, weddings, parties, beaches, sunsets, sunrises, dancing in the rain, goodbyes :(, birthdays, slushies, dates, dances, flip flops, dresses, and SUN! Summer you can't get here soon enough!

I Hate Mondays

Today was one of those rough ones. I was in a school where I didn't know a soul. The halls were small and filled with new and different faces, none of which I recognized. Feeling rather small and vulnerable I simply gripped my book bag and stared ahead trying not to draw attention to myself... or get lost. Once I make it to the classroom, I'm a few minutes late and it's already started. I walk to an empty seat and the teacher called out my name, I smiled and nodded. The classroom was filled with the smell of smoke. My "classmates" aged from 30-50. I could almost hear their thoughts, "What is SHE doing in here for?" Being a homeschooler I had to complete a highschool equivilancy in order to be accepted into basically any college/university. This was one option of getting it that I was pursuing. Make sense? I was greeted by the news that I had aced the entrance exams into the program, which I was lead to believe was going to expel me from extra work. Good news right? Wrong. I had to do the same amount of work but far more advanced then the rest of the classroom. Way to rain on my parade first thing in the morning. After 3 hours of confusion I was about to face the worst part. Lunch hour, in a college full of people I didn't know. I'm a bubbly/social person and I make friends fast/easily, but this was already way out of my comfort zone and I didn't want to bother anyone. I always swore I was not gonna be 'that girl' who ate her lunch in the bathroom the first day of school. Soooo, I wandered the halls for a while. During one of my wandering sessions past the caff I spotted a pair of waving hands... they belonged to a familiar face. A friend I'd just met the day before. I walked over and sat with him, met his friends, and spent the majority of the hour there talking. First, and pretty much the only good thing that happened today. Yet, all things must end. So I was off to sit beside my classroom door studying until it opened again. The next 2 hours were long and I had to pee like the blazes. It ended and I made my way to the front doors where my mom was half an hr late picking me up. Yay more second hand smoking! Right after I got home I had to go straight to a rehearsal for a play I'm in. I was supposed to have my lines memorized a week ago but I have a large speaking role and a bad case of procrastination. That night we were running the play just with lines. I was screwed. The next two hours were spent with me trying to remember my lines and making a fool of myself. My director was disappointed and I knew it. During this rehearsal I found out that my close friend made it into the worship team at my youth group. Which is super exciting. It was just another thing to add to my tough day. See I have been going to this youth group for 2 1/2 years and have been trying to get into the worship team ever since I started attending. This was sad on my part that my friend who had just been coming since september was in it. I just need to remember to be happy for her despite being sad I couldn't be doing it with her.

The day is finally coming to a close now. I know this is kinda dumb and depressing, but it's kind of like venting by writing it all out. Today wasn't all bad. My sister made me laugh like she always does. I had my favorite cereal and chocolate milk (not together) for breakfast. I said "I love you". Met new people. Got to drive. Got complimented on my hair. Realized my complaining over my purse was nothing compared to my 15 pound book bag. Never complaining about that again. Got hugs from friends. Cuddled with my little sister while watching Looney Tunes. It wasn't easy but I think the day was worth it.

Still.... I hate Mondays.

Things I Love

Jesus!
My Family
Books
Drinking slushies all year round
Dresses!
My dogs
Music. BarlowGirl and Taylor Swift!
Doing hair and makeup
Taking pictures!
Weddings
Laughing so hard till your stomach starts to hurt.
Smiling, even when it hurts.
Mostly all animals. There are some exceptions.
Skyping it up with friends.
Long walks through the woods.
The wind.
PINK
Summer, Spring, and Fall
Christmas!
Making new friends
Swimming in really deep water.
Beaches
Blue skies
Writing on my hands/arms
My room
All my memories with my sisters.
My friends
Acting
Singing
Driving
My daisy rubber boots
American Eagle jeans
Campus Crew hoodies.
Colorful socks
Converse
Dr Pepper, Root Beer, Sprite, and Pepsi (its better then coke)
Fresh pinapple
Popsicles
White roses, water lilies
Wearing hair elastics as bracelets.

And many many more things that aren't coming to mind at the moment. lol Never stop loving no matter how many times you get hurt.

For Starters

Day 1)

Hello World of Blogging!

So, I've decided to make my own space for blogging which I can use as my own personal online diary, place to post inspiring music/lyrics, or quotes, ect. Anyone who reads my blogs will really get to know me. It'll kinda be like a glimpse of inside my head...not like anyone really wants to know what's inside my head but still I think this will be fun to post in. I will write about what I'm passionate about, pet peeves, inspirations, or just something random.

Food for thought -- I am an actress. I have been in theatre for 6 years and love every minute of it. Something I've discovered about life is that so many people around me are actors (and good ones to say the least). You have people who you think they are best friends, yet when you get one of them alone, they have nothing good to say about the other. Another source of acting is a person dying of cancer, and hide their fear with a smile trying to be brave but really their screaming inside. You have the girl, who gave all she had to a boy who left her high and dry. She lies to her friends that she's alright, tells them she's relieved to not be tied down, but really she's never been hurting more in all her life. Everywhere I look in almost all situations you see people acting. They act like everything's alright, like everything's cool, or like they really do care about what your telling them. It makes me wonder... If everyone was honest and took off the mask, what would the world be like? Probably chaos. It's made me want to dig below the surface. When you ask your friends how they are doing, do you really WANT to know? Are you asking to just be polite or do you truly want to hear an answer? How many times in your life has someone asked "How are you?" and you answered "Fine, Good, Not Bad,.ect" when really it was a total lie? Think about that. We've all done it. I'm not sure how to fix situations like this. Some people prefer to deal with things on their own. I just want to encourage people to care about one another. To be the person that others can talk to. I've failed at this so many times because I'm "too busy" to care. I want to challenge myself and anyone taking the time to read this to put their best foot foreward and start caring. Starting.... Now?